Hemorrhage

My heart is great.
It beats drums.
It pumps crimson.
And it breathes elixir.

My heart is mighty.
It is skinned with metal.
It is nailed with steel.
And it is grounded with gold.

It is beauty.

It is mine and I have given it to you.
Wholeheartedly.

Yet, yet, this thing...
Its beat deafens.
Its pump overflows.
Its breathing halts.
Its skin rusts.
Its nails loosen.
Its ground mutilates.
Its beauty fades.

And it pains like crazy.

Secret Garden

Haze.
Smoke.
Dimness.
Darkness.
Pitch black.

Then, a beat.
A thump.
A whisper.
A spoken word.
A glimmer.

With every sound, the littlest of the light grows and glows.
The music illuminating stalls my withering.
My roots dig the ground farther and my leaves possess the air wider.
Keep me moist, keep me breathing, keep me alive.
Keep me loved. Keep me loving.

ONE.

It takes:
a second to look;
a minute to risk a second glance;
an hour to assess further;
a day to decide;
a week to say the three words;
a month to make sure you aren't joking; and
a YEAR to finally affirm that from the very first moment until indefiniteness, you're right -- and yes, I am right.

I'll say these words once again for there has never been time when I was ashamed to do so -- and there never will be: I love YOU, still and always.

Human

I am completely aware that some people don't like me.

And I am completely aware that some people don't like the other, either.

Almost a year ago, a bond I forged (and still dearly hold today) with the other resembled that of an opened Pandora's Box. Many from both sides elicited varied reactions that we were petrified for alternate moments, seemingly clueless of the gravity of our once "harmless" relationship.

Indeed, humans will be humans. There is no feasible way of pleasing anyone with any single or collective move -- no matter how we painstakingly try. There will always be pride and prejudice (Jane Austen, anyone?).

But, what could we do? We have stronger hearts. So, we moved on -- surrounded by whispers too loud to mock the disguised silence, and by stares that shame even the lingering smell of unwanted air in an enclosed room.

Now -- though the whispers have allied in part with the walls, and the stares have adapted with the sight they once were incredibly amazed with -- humanity and its imperfections remain open for exhibition and lashing.

I believe that no man is completely the same with another precisely because conflict is one inevitable earthly activity. Conflict brings life to life itself. Conflicts make us think, make us greater and make us better -- even if these conflicts be of silent wars and of unintentionally cold ones.

If I be allowed to, may I ask: must love -- that "simple four-letter word" be always made complicated and restrained when the only premise for social ranting is the fact that the parties composing it aren't the ones "we" are used to seeing -- and believing?

Borderline

No matter how blurry one's sight is and no matter how persistent his legs are rooted in someone's ground... either rain, storm or sanity may take down the smog and soften the soil. Another, another... another -- more illuminated and deserved -- may be its unintentional offspring.

Bent

There was a time when I loathed the fact that my hands were not as stiff as my father's and the actuality that I could not woo without limping a deceivingly harmless ball. But, as reality had it, loathing -- and concealing -- those seemingly bit-sized personal details only made my disillusions blurrier. The awkwardness of every moment hidden behind a crumbling put-on always felt like eons in front of a rowdy circus crowd. I had them amazed; but, most of the time, I felt like they were just snorting, secretly and loudly.

So, I decidedly left the carnival -- my self-made roller coaster. The crowd had enough one-sided, perverted entertainment and I had, too. I could not forever keep "pet peeve-ing" my arse.

Now, I think I am breathing more air -- light and overt air. Though I have never seen my shadows as unswerving as any man's ruler, my passageways can finally clearly breathe in -- and out. I don't mind anymore the mouths that babble and the eyes that gawk. After all, their cages are rusty and what they have are mere piths too trifling for substance.

Everyone has their own credo. Mine says I have never been incorrigible, only once deluded.

Thank You

For a quarter of a century, I had a dream.
For more than 4 years, I tried to pursue it.
For 6 months, I alternately persevered and retreated.
For more than a month, I attempted to be in my strongest and most persistent form.
On the last day of the exams -- that final second when I finally wrote the last punctuation mark on my booklet -- I succumbed at last. I whispered a prayer and surrendered everything to Him.

For another 6 months, I waited.

They say, the waiting part was the hardest. It really was. There were days when I thought that my dream was just etched in sleep -- in unconsciousness -- and could never be realized elsewhere. I was in limbo; I didn't know where to go or who I was supposed to be. I felt worthless, as if I was there just shiftlessly waiting for that dreaded word that had long been said.

But, now, the smog beneath my roads has finally settled and I can now see and breathe with no hesitation.

The word has finally been said; and it is "YES."

For a second, my dream has finally become real. I am no longer a dreamer. :)

A BIG THANK YOU...

to Mommy, Daddy, Lola & Lolo who have always believed in the beauty of my dream despite my countless downfalls, incurable childishness and juvenile behavior;

to my brothers & sisters who have always tolerated -- and understood -- my jungle-like ways;

to my friends/relatives who have given me a bed to sleep on when I was too drunk to face the sober world; who have shared with me gazillions glassful of alcohol when almost everything seemed too cruel for my taste; who have been my counselors, shrinks, ghost busters, companions-for-keeps; who have been there through thick and (overly) thin; who have been there and always will be -- no matter what;

to that special someone whom I have been with through some of the stormiest weathers and who has still managed to stay;

to everyone who has taken their time to be part of this triumph; and,

to GOD, I can never thank You enough -- You're the greatest. :D

Happiness -- though as evasive as the wind and as sulky as the clouds on a summer day -- does sometimes exist... and I am thankful I am happy.