At this very moment, I may not be as sober as any man who hasn't had the inkling of the wonders of intoxication, but I still know -- completely and doubtlessly -- that I have what I have for you even if the vigilance and the discipline of the mind have tentatively gone astray.
You are that fragment of air that whispers into my oblivion and then turns into a mass of wind that blows me away and makes me fly -- highly, oh so highly. :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Always
5 months ago, the life I once -- or infinitely -- thought I'd always have unexpectedly took a turn. It was a detour I exceedingly longed to take for almost three years but frustratingly failed to commence. Indeed, so suddenly and unbelievably, I felt I was no longer petrified. It was as if an incantation that turned me to stone had lost its curse and made me human again.
Without anticipation, the seeming sanctuary of numbness I inhabited for many months had foregone its meaning: I was moving. My eyes were not shuttering anymore; they were awakening. My lips began shedding the thirst that once plagued their surfaces and conspicuously revealed the movement of their innate purpose: to smile. I was smiling -- finally and once again.
I was happy and I knew I was not lying.
For many days, I knew I was in a different world. It was so deviant from that place I forcibly introduced myself to almost three years ago that there were days I thought I was afloat, swimming in an illusion I myself insanely crafted, such as that one mirror mentioned in the first Harry Potter installment which deceivingly showed one's desires.
"This isn't real, this isn't real, " I told myself, as if pinching my skin persistently.
But it was... and it still is.
Now, despite everything that I -- we -- have gone through, our world remains real.
With the 5 we've got in hand, I can say without any fragment of a quiver that we've remarkably and gratefully passed through hurdles that almost stopped us from getting this far.
There was the definitive revelation that almost struck us with a beating too strong for pacifying but which -- after months of uneasy struggle-- we managed to tame. Then, came the constant criticisms or gossip allegedly from varied and countless sources, throwing us words and intents like rocks wounding us without fail.
Yet and so blessedly, we persevered. We're still here, still breathing and beaming.
Today again adds another mark to that pact we have forged. It is an agreement with neither any express or implied obligation, nor any stipulation innately compulsory, nor any clause dutifully coercive -- for there is no space for such; there is only the desire, the want and the need for you... for I love you.
Always. :)
Without anticipation, the seeming sanctuary of numbness I inhabited for many months had foregone its meaning: I was moving. My eyes were not shuttering anymore; they were awakening. My lips began shedding the thirst that once plagued their surfaces and conspicuously revealed the movement of their innate purpose: to smile. I was smiling -- finally and once again.
I was happy and I knew I was not lying.
For many days, I knew I was in a different world. It was so deviant from that place I forcibly introduced myself to almost three years ago that there were days I thought I was afloat, swimming in an illusion I myself insanely crafted, such as that one mirror mentioned in the first Harry Potter installment which deceivingly showed one's desires.
"This isn't real, this isn't real, " I told myself, as if pinching my skin persistently.
But it was... and it still is.
Now, despite everything that I -- we -- have gone through, our world remains real.
With the 5 we've got in hand, I can say without any fragment of a quiver that we've remarkably and gratefully passed through hurdles that almost stopped us from getting this far.
There was the definitive revelation that almost struck us with a beating too strong for pacifying but which -- after months of uneasy struggle-- we managed to tame. Then, came the constant criticisms or gossip allegedly from varied and countless sources, throwing us words and intents like rocks wounding us without fail.
Yet and so blessedly, we persevered. We're still here, still breathing and beaming.
Today again adds another mark to that pact we have forged. It is an agreement with neither any express or implied obligation, nor any stipulation innately compulsory, nor any clause dutifully coercive -- for there is no space for such; there is only the desire, the want and the need for you... for I love you.
Always. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)