Okay, so here I am sitting on my creaking office chair, clueless of what to do for the next two hours. Unless a matter requiring urgency suddenly crops up, I have no more pending work to be done today. According to my soon-to-be-retired planner, the position paper has to wait until tomorrow – or Wednesday next week.
Anyhow, my brain cells got fried too early today because of a conversation I had with one of the employees of the company. He was claiming a massive amount (this is an understatement) in order to have his case settled with the labor arbiter. Maybe, if had not given etiquette and sensibility the slightest of gravity, I could have shoved his demands to the very innards of that former-first-son-turned-alleged-marginalized-sector-representative whose face is as incredibly wide as that employee's money claims.
Conversely, I am not in the proper state to get things done with propriety if office work is concerned. So, here I am, finally “updating” my “nearing-dormancy” blog site.
So, what to write? What to write?
My work… No. I wouldn’t even dare mention any adjective or what-have-you relative to my employment apart from those provided above for fear that one of my bosses or one co-employee (who may have been convicted of espionage if only the elements in the Revised Penal Code included the term “workplace”) may inadvertently discover and – good grief – subscribe to my BlogSpot account that already boasts itself of 8 followers. (Yey? Haha.)
So… what else?
Hmm. How about my renewed (or resurrected) lease on life in this polluted city?
Well, let me see. Aside from staying and gorging my expenses in another rented space in yet another city within this metropolis (I used to stay somewhere in Manila before going back to the province after law school and the bar exams, only to be back again here after almost 2 years), there really are no substantial changes screaming recognition in this part of the world.
Oh, wait, there are: 1) instead of being a 24/6 student, I am now a 12/6 parcel of the workforce and 2) yes, the satiating of my physiological cravings no longer depend on the financial sanity of my parents. In other words, I am now my own teacher and spender.
Gone are the law school years when on a regular weekday, I would do the following things that were worse (or better?) than routine: wake up, drink coffee, study for four hours, eat lunch, study again, bathe, get dressed, get a jeep, go to school, get anxiety attacks, forcibly recite and/or (more) forcibly answer exam questions, get frustrated, ask myself what I was doing with my life, whine, go home, eat dinner, talk/rant with my sister, watch tv, whine again (louder this time), prepare to sleep, sleep and wake up… and repeat all the preceding verbal words/phrases over and over... and over again. Oh, whining may be inserted in any of those verbs.
Also goners are the days when I would ask from my parents those bills with faces, which I always hoped would carry that of Benigno Aquino, at the very least.
However, these past months, there had been times when I wished that those days could have stayed longer.
After all, the things I had to worry about then were limited to my tenure in law school, the bar exams, and how to get the then-hot iPod Video for less. Now, my worries no longer are confined within the realms of the academic and the technological; work and making it out of life successfully have been added. And, holy piece of cornfield, they are humongous additions!
As time passes, I realize that life really requires much from every living thing that has it (yes, I'm referring to life itself). Humans (unfortunately, that includes me) have always been expected to live life to the fullest, to exceed expectations, to beat the odds, and to outlast almost everything, even to the extent of defying the bounds of normal life (mortality may come to mind but that is already way beyond the matter). Success, or happiness, must be a continuous and ceaseless ambition; it has to be sustained for it is as sulky as the absence of failure, or misery.
I, for one, tell myself every day that I can always be better; that I can finish all the tasks scheduled; that I can win all the cases I am handling; that I can pay the bills on time; that I can buy myself a high-end DSLR or a MacBook Air, or that condo unit and that car; that I can make my parents and my sibs proud; that I can make my relationship with my partner last as long as this lifetime; and, that I can do just about anything I can think of. But, sometimes, everything just gets quiet... and stops.
Just so suddenly, I have no dreams, hopes, or even prayers. And, just like in moments of despair as depicted in the movies, the place darkens and ultimately fades.
Oh well, there really are days that are plain downers; they just surprisingly surface and throw a party while you're turning into buckets of pure inanity.
Not too long ago, when I passed the bar exams (which I perceived was the hardest trial I ever had to conquer in life), I thought everything would be like a breeze of Shakespearean summer, or a walk amidst the Canterbury grasses. Akala ko, kung abogado na ako, madali na ang lahat. But, no, there had been subsequent trials worthy of overthrowing even the very bane of the bar exams (though some were just setbacks and losses not worth keeping).
It just never gets easy. There are the expectations, the frustrations and the never-ending quest for the evasive self-actualization (what really is it, anyway?). As they say, every day is a battle.
Indeed, every effin' day keeps you watching, keeps you wanting, and keeps you alive. Every effin' day keeps you keeping up. But, really, sometimes, you just have to breathe.
I just have to breathe.
So, now, here I am, taking a breather and trying to do what I've always loved but forsaken: random writing and trying to make sense. (Do I? Haha.)
Erm, it's almost 7 na pala. I should have left minutes ago. So much for that. I'm off.
Oh, I'm happier now. I have finally managed to get rid of the cobwebs in my blog and I'll be seeing the best part of my every day in a few minutes. Did I ever mention that I love life (especially the hours after 7)? :D
Anyhow, my brain cells got fried too early today because of a conversation I had with one of the employees of the company. He was claiming a massive amount (this is an understatement) in order to have his case settled with the labor arbiter. Maybe, if had not given etiquette and sensibility the slightest of gravity, I could have shoved his demands to the very innards of that former-first-son-turned-alleged-marginalized-sector-representative whose face is as incredibly wide as that employee's money claims.
Conversely, I am not in the proper state to get things done with propriety if office work is concerned. So, here I am, finally “updating” my “nearing-dormancy” blog site.
So, what to write? What to write?
My work… No. I wouldn’t even dare mention any adjective or what-have-you relative to my employment apart from those provided above for fear that one of my bosses or one co-employee (who may have been convicted of espionage if only the elements in the Revised Penal Code included the term “workplace”) may inadvertently discover and – good grief – subscribe to my BlogSpot account that already boasts itself of 8 followers. (Yey? Haha.)
So… what else?
Hmm. How about my renewed (or resurrected) lease on life in this polluted city?
Well, let me see. Aside from staying and gorging my expenses in another rented space in yet another city within this metropolis (I used to stay somewhere in Manila before going back to the province after law school and the bar exams, only to be back again here after almost 2 years), there really are no substantial changes screaming recognition in this part of the world.
Oh, wait, there are: 1) instead of being a 24/6 student, I am now a 12/6 parcel of the workforce and 2) yes, the satiating of my physiological cravings no longer depend on the financial sanity of my parents. In other words, I am now my own teacher and spender.
Gone are the law school years when on a regular weekday, I would do the following things that were worse (or better?) than routine: wake up, drink coffee, study for four hours, eat lunch, study again, bathe, get dressed, get a jeep, go to school, get anxiety attacks, forcibly recite and/or (more) forcibly answer exam questions, get frustrated, ask myself what I was doing with my life, whine, go home, eat dinner, talk/rant with my sister, watch tv, whine again (louder this time), prepare to sleep, sleep and wake up… and repeat all the preceding verbal words/phrases over and over... and over again. Oh, whining may be inserted in any of those verbs.
Also goners are the days when I would ask from my parents those bills with faces, which I always hoped would carry that of Benigno Aquino, at the very least.
However, these past months, there had been times when I wished that those days could have stayed longer.
After all, the things I had to worry about then were limited to my tenure in law school, the bar exams, and how to get the then-hot iPod Video for less. Now, my worries no longer are confined within the realms of the academic and the technological; work and making it out of life successfully have been added. And, holy piece of cornfield, they are humongous additions!
As time passes, I realize that life really requires much from every living thing that has it (yes, I'm referring to life itself). Humans (unfortunately, that includes me) have always been expected to live life to the fullest, to exceed expectations, to beat the odds, and to outlast almost everything, even to the extent of defying the bounds of normal life (mortality may come to mind but that is already way beyond the matter). Success, or happiness, must be a continuous and ceaseless ambition; it has to be sustained for it is as sulky as the absence of failure, or misery.
I, for one, tell myself every day that I can always be better; that I can finish all the tasks scheduled; that I can win all the cases I am handling; that I can pay the bills on time; that I can buy myself a high-end DSLR or a MacBook Air, or that condo unit and that car; that I can make my parents and my sibs proud; that I can make my relationship with my partner last as long as this lifetime; and, that I can do just about anything I can think of. But, sometimes, everything just gets quiet... and stops.
Just so suddenly, I have no dreams, hopes, or even prayers. And, just like in moments of despair as depicted in the movies, the place darkens and ultimately fades.
Oh well, there really are days that are plain downers; they just surprisingly surface and throw a party while you're turning into buckets of pure inanity.
Not too long ago, when I passed the bar exams (which I perceived was the hardest trial I ever had to conquer in life), I thought everything would be like a breeze of Shakespearean summer, or a walk amidst the Canterbury grasses. Akala ko, kung abogado na ako, madali na ang lahat. But, no, there had been subsequent trials worthy of overthrowing even the very bane of the bar exams (though some were just setbacks and losses not worth keeping).
It just never gets easy. There are the expectations, the frustrations and the never-ending quest for the evasive self-actualization (what really is it, anyway?). As they say, every day is a battle.
Indeed, every effin' day keeps you watching, keeps you wanting, and keeps you alive. Every effin' day keeps you keeping up. But, really, sometimes, you just have to breathe.
I just have to breathe.
So, now, here I am, taking a breather and trying to do what I've always loved but forsaken: random writing and trying to make sense. (Do I? Haha.)
Erm, it's almost 7 na pala. I should have left minutes ago. So much for that. I'm off.
Oh, I'm happier now. I have finally managed to get rid of the cobwebs in my blog and I'll be seeing the best part of my every day in a few minutes. Did I ever mention that I love life (especially the hours after 7)? :D
